Personal Statement

I was a sophomore in college the first time I saw Citizen Kane. It was in my 125 Intro to Film Studies class I was excited and, I had prepared myself to love and take away a great deal from it. Citizen Kane is widely ranked as the all-time #1 movie, right? I was ready and eager. I knew the big spoiler before I saw the movie but, for some reason, I had forgotten, so when we watched it, I was truly in for the full experience.

About halfway through the viewing of the film, I started wondering why it was so esteemed. Citizen Kane seemed average to me. I wasn’t enjoying it as much as I thought I would, nor was I learning the vast and secret knowledge that I felt should come with experiencing this film. As the movie ended, our professor started the discussion. I listened for a while and really had nothing to say. I was too disappointed and walked out of that class confused about people as a whole. I thought that I wasn’t getting something about the film industry. I didn’t know where to go from there. This was not only the industry that I had put thousands of dollars into but also what I wanted to dedicate my life to, yet I had no idea why Citizen Kane was consistently ranked #1. I didn’t even like it.

A week later, my digital cinema professor told our class we were going to watch the same movie for the day’s class. I almost walked out of that class. There was no way I was going to make it through this entire movie again. However, after the second time watching Citizen Kane, something clicked. I actually liked it. I still didn’t completely understand its influence on the industry, but through several class discussions, I was able to understand more and more. I now know why this movie had the impact it did and I agree with a ranking of #1.

I inevitably watched Citizen Kane in nearly every level of my film studies career, but what affected me the most was how each discussion was different. Discussion of the film has centered on psychoanalysis, composition, editing, social commentary, or the great use of deep focus. I fell in love with film studies. I learned how to have something meaningful to say about every film I have watched or will watch other than that I liked it or didn’t like it. There is so much more to film than just the film itself. I discovered how to actively watch a film I didn’t like by focusing on other aspects, whether they are technical or psychological.

When I originally came to Northern Michigan University, I wanted to learn how to edit films. I have always loved movies, but my brain works best with logical or technical thinking, so I figured, “Why not combine both?” My interests then shifted to working on production or post-production, doing the manual work on movie sets after my on campus job motivated me to be very active.  There came a time in every semester of my Digital Cinema classes, which are more production based, that I became unhappy. I questioned whether I was in the right major and doing the right thing, but I stuck with it. I would watch a Christopher Nolan film, whether it be Inception, Memento, or most recently Interstellar, and he would bend my mind in such a way that I would once again know that I was hooked and would never be satisfied in any other industry. Then, I would watch an Errol Morris documentary and remember why I wanted to share people’s incredible stories in the first place.

I kept Film Studies as my minor, however, in order to further develop my understanding of films (and, of course, because I really enjoyed it). It wasn’t until recently, in my senior year of college, that I realized I did not  feel as if I had learned everything I really wanted to know about film in history and the impact on today’s society. I realized I wasn’t done with school, but there were no other Film Studies courses I could take. NMU only offers Film Studies as  a minor, and I had taken all of them.

Pursuing a Master’s degree will give me the opportunity to delve deeper in to this industry further than I ever have. I have found that I really enjoyed my Film Studies courses more than my production ones, and I want to keep studying films. I want to change the direction of my career to one that leads me to path in which I can conceivably work at film festivals, work as a film critic, or just academically about the industry. Watching good movies, having good conversations, and writing about films always made me fall back in love with the industry.  

Posted January 30, 2015 21:21